


We both wake in lonely beds

by storiesthatmakeus



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 20:11:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11721684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: Takes place after Aaron has returned to the village following his split from Robert. Both men try to come to terms with living their lives without each other, but in a tiny village like Emmerdale, you can never stay away from the person you love for too long.(Some angst, some avoidance, but with a happy ending obvs! )





	We both wake in lonely beds

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic eek! I don't really know what this is - 12k words of utter crap probably, but the idea came to me and I had to get it out of my head. Includes the Mill scene where Robert moves back out, but ignores all the HF stuff from next week. Canon divergent I guess (but who even knows anymore!) 
> 
> Adam is more understanding in this fic, not the hypocritical douche he is currently in the show and Rebecca is only mentioned when needed and does not feature heavily because well, it's Rebecca!
> 
> Anyway, hope it's okay and someone enjoys it!

It had been a month since Aaron had returned to the village. The break away in Ireland had done him the world of good and he had come back still slightly bruised, but no longer broken. Of course, it hadn’t taken Robert long to come knocking, begging him relentlessly for another chance. Six times in two weeks he had come in fact, if he was counting the fight he broke up in the pub between him and Adam, and he was counting. Each time Robert professed his love and promised Aaron that they could make it through this. Each time he looked at him with those eyes, so full of guilt and love, that it made Aaron’s resolve slip just that little bit further. To be honest, he had felt it slip that very first night back, as he watched Robert pick up his bags and move out, but he managed to stand firm, only letting the mask drop when he was on his own. He couldn’t do it though. He couldn’t put himself through the pain again, wondering when each day would be the last, when Robert would actually decide that in fact, Aaron wasn’t enough for him, and walk before he was pushed. It was that thought that brought Aaron and Robert to their final confrontation, on that sixth visit. Robert was pleading, the hope still evidenced in the way his eyes would drift over Aaron’s face, and as he listened to Robert, he knew what he had to say to make him go away.

‘’Robert, just stop talking.’’ His firm tone shut the other man up, and Aaron used the respite to continue speaking.

‘’Look at yourself. Coming here all the time, begging and pleading. Even if I had moved on and was ready to put the past behind me, you’re clearly not the man I once loved anymore. The Robert I knew had some self-respect. Right now, you’re just looking pathetic. It’s disappointing, really it is.’’

Aaron had wanted say something cutting, to use his husband’s greatest weapon to wound Robert, and he had succeeded, but he knew he was being too vicious and cruel, knew how cold he sounded, and the instant the words left his mouth he wanted to take them back, wanted to hold him and tell him that he didn’t mean it, that he didn’t see him as Jack had done. Robert had never been a disappointment, but before he could say anything, he looked up at him, tears in his eyes.

‘’Well, I guess that changes things. It was inevitable wasn’t it, you feeling what he felt.’’

And with that, Robert was gone, before Aaron could muster up any words to stop him, and he hadn’t seen him since. He wanted to march over to Diane’s and force Robert to listen to him, persuade him that he didn’t mean it, that he didn’t want Robert to think he hated him. Yet, his legs seemed unable to carry him there, and as the days passed, a minuscule part of him thought maybe it was for the best. If he went over there, his resolve would surely shatter completely, and they would be back to square one, not dealing with their feelings and putting plasters on knife wounds to try and stem the flow. Because as much as Aaron was feeling better, he still had issues to work through on his own, without his ex-husband fogging up his brain.

So it came as a shock when two weeks later, Aaron answered a knock at the Mill door to find Robert standing on the other side.

‘’Hi’’

‘’Robert, what are you doing here?’’

‘’Please, can we talk for five minutes?’’

‘’We’ve been over this Robert.’’

‘’It’s not like that, please Aaron. I just want five minutes of your time and then I promise…..you won’t hear from me again.’’ Robert hesitated as he spoke, piquing Aaron’s interest enough to allow him in.

Robert stepped into the living room of his former home and the energy immediately changed. He felt deeply uncomfortable, remembering their previous conversation here, but he had a purpose and he wouldn’t prolong the stay any more than needed. He did take a moment to look around his surroundings and take in the changes in the flat. In all his previous visits, he had been so focused on convincing Aaron to take him back that he hadn’t noticed that all the photos of the two of them had disappeared, replaced with more recent ones, clearly from Aaron’s time in Dublin. He wondered briefly what happened to them, but shook the thought from his head before it could fester. That ridiculous sculpture of the monkey Robert was also gone, but he wasn’t going to lament that one too much. His reflections were interrupted by Aaron closing the door behind him and coming to stand in front of him.

‘’So, what is this Robert?’’

‘’I want to apologise.’’

‘’Rob, you’ve already….’’ Aaron started, but Robert held up his hands.

‘’Please, just let me get this out.’’ Aaron nodded in defeat. The sooner Robert said his piece, the sooner Aaron could be left alone.

‘’You were right. I am a disappointment. I know that everything bad that has ever happened in our relationship has been down to me, and my idiotic and selfish mistakes. But, there have been some good times too right? I mean, more than good, indescribable really, and I don’t want to forget those moments, and I really hope you don’t either.’’

Aaron was stunned. He wasn’t expecting this from his husband (ex-husband Aaron) and Robert took his silence as the go ahead to keep talking. He took something out of his pocket and held it in front of Aaron.

‘’I want you to have this.’’

Aaron stared in shock at the wedding ring being presented to him, but he soon snapped out of his daze, and angry feelings at being manipulated began to simmer under his skin. It appeared that Robert could still read his mind though, because he began to speak again before Aaron could even formulate words to express his annoyance.

‘’I’m not giving you this to try and manipulate you, or guilt you, or anything like that Aaron. I’ve been a selfish man for too long, wanting to have you by my side no matter what, because I thought that you being with me was more important than anything else. But I’ve seen you since you’ve come home, and you’re healthy and strong, and I’ve realised that more than anything, I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me. I’m giving you back this ring because when I look at mine now I try to only think of the good times, and in a few weeks, or months, or even years, I want you to look at your ring and remember that our relationship did have its good moments. I don’t want you to ever look back at us with sadness. I’m sorry I was never the man you needed me to be but I am finally letting you go.’’

He held out the ring in front of the younger man, just as Aaron had that day nearly two months previously. Aaron took it, still at a loss for words. As he reached out, his fingers grazed Robert’s and he felt it, that spark that would always be there. He risked a glance at him, who seemed unfazed by the touch. Maybe he didn’t even feel it. Robert leant forward to give Aaron one last kiss on the forehead before walking away. Just as he got to the door, he hesitated. Turning back around, he looked at his husband (because he would always be his husband, even if they both married someone new) and saw him gazing down at his ring.

‘’There’s something else I need to tell you Aaron.’

Aaron was torn away from his thoughts, and couldn’t resist a small chuckle.

‘’God, you’re overflowing with honesty today, what’s got into you?’’

Robert stifled a laugh, but soon straightened himself again.

‘’I’ve decided to go away for a bit. It definitely worked for you, so I thought maybe I’d try it myself.’’

‘’Where are you gonna go? Are you coming back?’’ He could hear the hint of desperation in his voice, but Robert didn’t appear to notice.

‘’I’m heading to Spain to see my gran, before she gets fed up of waiting for us to visit and comes over here herself. She’s a tenacious woman is Annie Sugden, must be where I get it…. I’ll be gone about two weeks and….’’

Aaron could tell that Robert had more to say, so he pushed.

‘’And?’’

‘’When I come back, I’m gonna be a proper dad to my son.’’

Aaron had never heard him speak with such conviction about the baby. Even when he was trying to convince Aaron that he wanted nothing to do with it, his voice had always wavered.

‘’Oh, well, I always said you’d be a good dad.’ He wasn’t sure how else he could respond, or why he felt a fleeting stab of jealousy at Robert’s words, but knew he had no right to say anything.

‘’Thanks Aaron, I wish I had your confidence.’’

‘’So what changed your mind?’’

‘’Neither of our fathers loved us the way they were supposed to Aaron, and I don’t want that for my son. So I’ll mess up, probably on an epic scale, but I’ll try, and I’ve got Diane and Vic. They’ll keep me from doing anything too stupid, I hope anyway.’’

‘’I don’t understand Robert, why are you telling me this?’’

‘’Because when I come back, you’ll probably see me with Rebecca a lot. It will purely be for the child’s benefit, but I just felt you had a right to know. There will never be anything between me and her, but I wanted you to hear it from me.’’

‘’Right, well thanks I guess. It’s nothing to do with me anymore anyway.’’ Aaron knew he sounded detached as he said it, when clearly it had taken a lot for Robert to admit, but his head was spinning. Robert nodded his head in agreement, and then pulled the door open.

‘’Goodbye Aaron.’’

‘’Goodbye Robert’’ The words died on his tongue as the door closed in front of him, Robert gone without a backwards glance.

 

The two weeks since Robert had left had dragged. Sure, Aaron occupied his days well, throwing himself into the scrap yard, going to his counselling sessions once a week, and either going for a run or continuing his boxing with Zac. He was bone tired at the end of every day and physically he felt stronger than ever, but every now and then as he lay in bed his head would spin, thoughts of Robert invading his brain more than he cared to admit. He played their final conversation over and over, looking for clues that Robert was just being his usual manipulative self, because Aaron knew that Robert; could handle that Robert. He couldn’t handle this selfless person, who only wanted the best for him and was prepared to sacrifice his own happiness to do so. On these nights, his thoughts often drifted back to a conversation he had with Liv, the first night he spent in Dublin after it all ended. He couldn’t hide the truth from her, and all it took was one look from his little sister for him to start spilling his guts and for all the pain, the broken promises and the lies to come tumbling out of his mouth like a waterfall. His heart broke a little more as he watched her shout and cry, though a part of him was secretly impressed that his fifteen year old sister had such an extensive catalogue of expletives in her back pocket. He hugged her and sent her to bed, only for her to visit him in the middle of the night, perching on the end of Sandra’s ridiculously uncomfortable sofa as she watched him slowly come to. She looked older and wiser in the Irish moonlight, and she picked at her pyjama top, clearly struggling with what she was about to say, until Aaron took her in his arms.

_‘’I don’t hate him, I want to Aaron, but I can’t’’_

_‘’Hey, you don’t have to hate him, whatever happened between us, he does love you.’’_

_‘’I’ve already forgiven him though, is that bad?’’_

_Aaron stuttered as he tried to find the right response to her. He wasn’t sure what do say that would make her feel better, so he did the only think he could think of. He asked her why._

_‘Because while you were gone he looked after me, and Noah to be fair because Charity is useless. He gave me a home, he never complained, and he never asked for anything back. He was my big brother Aaron. And, I know he loves you.’’_

_‘’He did love me Liv, but sometimes that’s not enough.’_

_‘’I know, but I saw what a wreck he was after the crash, and you being in prison probably brought everything back.’’_

_‘’What do you mean?’’_

_‘’Well, when you were in surgery, he kept rabbiting on to me and Chas about how much time he wasted not being with you, this was after he had dived back in to rescue your ring, like the idiot he is. You being in prison must have brought that back, you know? Him feeling helpless like, more wasted time he couldn’t get back, and we both know what Robert is like when he feels out of control…’’_

_Liv let the end of the sentence hang in the air, both of them knowing what she was alluding to. Aaron was never one for words, that was always Robert’s department, and as he held Liv and talked to her some more about how she felt, he realised that there was nothing he could say to her to make the situation better, all he could do was hold her and tell her that she could still spend time with Robert if she wanted, because he knew that Robert would be heartbroken to lose her as well._

Aaron would never admit it to anyone, but as each day passed, he yearned to see Robert’s car parked outside Diane’s house, and with morning that came without its presence, his heart broke a little. Robert was right when he had paid him that final visit; Aaron was in a stronger, healthier place. His mind was clearer now, and he had sorted through all the noise in his head, coming to terms with his feelings towards Rebecca and the baby. He had never truly wanted anything to happen to her or the baby, and he deeply regretted the moment he had threatened her, but it was the only response he could find at the time to quell the storm brewing in his mind. He would never be completely fine with her constant presence in their lives, but that baby would be a mini Robert, and Aaron couldn’t shake off the warmth he felt at that thought. He had talked through absolutely everything with his counsellor, and when she asked him what he wanted, his only answer was Robert. He knew that he was a compulsive liar, but they were lies he told in desperation to protect his future with his husband. And Aaron himself had never been entirely honest with Robert either, had been a hypocrite more than once, a fact he could eventually admit to himself. The truth was, just like Liv, Aaron had already forgiven him. He knew it as soon as he saw him walk out of the Mill for the last time, but his own pride and insecurities had stopped him pulling Robert back in and telling him not to go. Robert wasn’t his anymore; he had pushed him away too many times. He didn’t even know if Robert even loved him anymore, so if he wanted him in his life, he may have to accept that it would be from a distance.

It was a drizzly Sunday morning when Aaron’s past, present, and future came back to him, a month after it had vanished from his life. After pretending he was fine with just tea and no toast (who he was pretending to he didn’t know; he was still on his own in the house) he eventually dragged himself to David’s for a loaf of bread. That was when he spotted him, leaning against the bonnet of that poncy car of his, chatting away on the phone, looking tanned and freckly and wearing that heart-stopping smile of his. The hidden smile, Aaron secretly referred to it as, because he only brought it out for the people he really loved – Diane, Vic, Liv, and –

Aaron’s heart sank in his chest at the realisation. Robert had found someone new. That’s why he had been away longer than he had originally told Aaron; he had another warm body keeping him occupied. Aaron had always been afraid that Robert would move on quickly. After all, he was a magnet for people, and despite what he might think about himself, he was a very easy person to love. Aaron stared down the road at his former husband, willing him to look up from the phone and give him a sign that he was still in the fight, but Robert was too engrossed in the conversation to notice anyone else. Aaron realised that he couldn’t stay standing in the street staring, so he shook himself out of it and turned back towards the Mill.

Robert looked up just as Aaron turned away, and he wanted to (casually) run after him and see how he was, but those thoughts were quickly dispelled by the incessant chatter of the person on the other end of the phone.

‘’Yes gran, all back in one piece… yes gran…… I’ll tell her….. yes I know we’re terrible grandchildren’’ Robert chuckled as Annie continued to bark instructions down the phone, then turned when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

‘’Oh gran, Vic’s just arrived, you want to talk to her?’’ Victoria shook her head furiously, but he smugly handed her the phone and she made some very questionable gestures in his direction as she was clearly having a similar conversation to the one he just had.

‘’Yes gran…. Of course gran….. No I promise I’ll visit soon… no I definitely don’t want Robert to be the favourite grandchild…ok bye now….bye’’ Victoria hung up the phone, handed it back to her brother and promptly punched him in the arm.

‘’Ah, what was that for?’’

‘’The Sunday morning guilt trip, cheers bro!’’

‘’Well nobody does guilt like Annie Sugden. So, you gonna come in and let me give you your present? Though why I should when I’ll have a bruise the size of a glacier tomorrow I don’t know.’’

‘’Well it’s not my fault you bruise like a peach. C’mon then, let’s see if Diane will make us bacon sarnies.’’

Robert picked up his bag and followed his sister into the house, resisting the urge to glance back down the road to the Mill.

 

Over the next few weeks, Aaron and Robert seemed to reach an unspoken but tentative understanding with each other. Admittedly, those first two weeks after Robert had come back had been awkward as hell, with both men simultaneously trying to avoid each other and also casually run into each other at the same time. It was exhausting for both of them, but neither would ever admit it. The breakthrough came one early Saturday morning. Too early, by Aaron’s reckoning. Seven AM alarms should not exist on the weekends. But they had been slammed at the scrapyard for the past few weeks, and this particular Saturday was the only day he could fit in a very lucrative scrap run to Newcastle. So here he was, grouchy and bleary eyed, walking into the café to get the largest coffee he could lay his hands on before setting off. Seemingly Robert had the same idea, and the two of them nearly collided at the door, Robert balancing a precarious order of three extra large coffees and a whole host of pastries in his hand.

‘’Woah, sure you have enough coffee there?’’ Aaron feebly attempted to joke, his hand resting on Robert’s chest for slightly longer than was necessary.

Robert could see Aaron was trying to remain as normal and friendly as possible, even though he was pretty sure the man opposite him could feel his heart pounding uncontrollably in his chest under his hand. But if Aaron could make the effort, so could he.

‘’Yea, well not all for me, though I will probably need this and a lot more to get through the next few hours. Vic’s got me on painting duty, and the earlier we start, the more time we have to fix any design failures apparently.’’

‘’Oh yea, she’s roped you into redecorating then?’’

‘’Kind of, we’re getting the room ready for….’’ Robert trailed off, his own tiredness meaning he had forgotten to filter his words. But Aaron seemed unbothered.

‘’The baby, right? Have you picked out some ridiculous theme then? I seem to remember Vic mentioning pale green and a woodland idea or something….’’

‘’Yeah, something like that…’’ Robert trailed off again. He didn’t know how to do this, wasn’t used to being so out of control with his words.

‘’Robert it’s fine, you can talk about it. You’re gonna be a dad soon, it’s a big deal.’’

Aaron smiled softly at him, and Robert instantly relaxed. Maybe, just maybe, they could get through this. Not together, Aaron had made that clear, but maybe as something resembling friends. They had never tried that before, not really, but there was a first time for everything. Robert’s thoughts snapped back to the present, and he smiled back.

‘’Well I may not live to become a dad if I don’t get Vic her non-fat, no foam mocha caramel swirl or whatever this abomination is before it goes cold.’’

‘’Once an Americano man, always an Americano man, right?’’

‘’Exactly. Glad someone understands me. Anyway, why are you up so early?’’ Robert asked quickly, trying to breeze past his other comment, but for what reason he couldn’t explain.

‘’Early scrap run, Adam’s skiving, what else is new?’’

‘’Well, drive safe.’’

‘’I will, good luck with the painting.’’

‘’Bye Aaron.’’

‘’See ya around Rob.’’

After that morning, things just seemed well, easier. Robert mainly stayed away from the scrap yard, choosing to work from home (well, Diane’s. Finding a permanent home hadn’t really crossed his mind yet.) On the rare occasions he did visit the scrap yard to check the books, he maintained a civil relationship with Aaron, bordering on almost friendly, and was even able to banter with him from time to time, usually at Adam’s expense. Even Adam himself had thawed somewhat, probably on Aaron’s instruction rather than anything else, but Robert would take what he could get.

Liv and Chas were still in Dublin and would be for another while until Sandra completed her physiotherapy, which meant that Robert could still enter the pub and not be subjected to death glares from behind the bar. The rest of the Dingles either ignored him or were civil, and he was glad. He didn’t want to make things awkward for Aaron, and when their paths crossed in the pub, they would give each other a friendly nod. He still ached a little when he saw or thought of Aaron, but the ache no longer crippled him, and he threw himself into getting ready for the baby, taking to the overprotective father role quicker and easier than he had ever imagined. He road tested prams, looked up travel times to the hospital, and generally drove everyone around him to distraction with his daily titbits of information on everything from new swaddling techniques to the best sources of calcium, and on one memorable occasion, nearly broke Doug’s neck by leaving a stack of parenting books at the foot of the Brook cottage stairs. Of course, none of this he would ever allow Aaron to see. He had seemed fine that morning outside the café, but Robert was not prepared to rub it in his face. Flashes of guilt would hit him from time to time, especially if he allowed himself to dwell on possibilities that he had previously ignored. What if he had been upfront with Aaron from the beginning? Would he have been more accepting, and be by his side now for this moment? He didn’t want to think too much about what the answer could be to those questions. Yet, for the first time in while, he felt focused, and as close to content as he could be without Aaron by his side.

For Aaron, that morning outside the café had initially seemed to cement his decision to end things with Robert. It had been the right thing to do at the time, for both of them. Aaron had needed to come to terms with his past experiences on his terms, and learning to parent his son was something Robert needed to do by himself, and he seemed happy. Yet, there was a part of Aaron that could feel a scar opening up inside him, the one had held all his past fantasies involving Robert and fatherhood under delicate stitching, threatening to burst at the seams at any moment. As he had listened to Robert talk about woodland themes and babies, his fingers still twitching from the feeling of Robert’s pounding heart, he realised how much he wanted to be the one that heard all his stories about parenthood. He wanted to watch Robert’s nose twitch in concentration as he read up on every new parenting technique ever invented. He wanted to be the one painting nurseries with him, flicking paint all over each other until they ruined the walls and agreed that if anyone came to visit they would simply call it abstract art and be done with it. He wanted it, but it wasn’t his to have anymore, and as the days passed, and Rebecca entered her third trimester, Aaron found it harder to watch Robert prepare for the baby. Harder, yet not for any reason that involved Rebecca. It was clear from the few interactions he had witnessed between them that they had called a truce, but there would never be anything more between them. No, it was harder because he realised that he was utterly mistaken about Robert. He was never a manipulator, not really, even when that was all he seemed able to do. Despite what Aaron had said to him more than once, Robert never thought only of himself. Deep down, he just wanted someone who would allow him to love them, see past his flaws and his insecurities and still want him. He now had the chance to do that with his son, start again and be someone to be proud of. But as Aaron watched Robert one evening moving nursery furniture into Vic’s house, he realised that Robert had once wanted all that with him, had fought for that with him, diving into deep water, burning wads of cash and risking prison for him, and was turned away, again and again until he couldn’t fight any longer. With that thought circling his head, Aaron retreated into the safety of his own home, headed up to his bedroom, opened up a box that contained the silver object he had hidden and ignored for weeks, dropped to the floor of his bedroom, and let the tears finally flow.

 

It was a miserable November afternoon when Aaron discovered the truth. The rumblings has started the previous day, Brenda leading the village gossips who seemed determined to spread the news to any sod who’d listen that Rebecca had gone into labour. Adam had tried his best to distract Aaron from the news, knowing by his best mate’s face that he was concerned for Robert and the baby that was being born a month early. However, Aaron had brushed off his friend’s concerns, and he now sat in the pub, nursing the last dregs of his pint and trying to stop his thoughts from turning to the hospital at any given moment.

He was pulled from his musings and his pint by Charity’s shrill voice piercing through the post-lunch lull.

‘’And where the hell have you been? You know Marlon’s off today and I’ve had to turned away paying punters because we’ve had no chef. You better have a damn good excuse……’’

Aaron’s attention was pulled towards the bar as she trailed off. Once she got going, it was impossible to stop her mid rant, so he was intrigued to see who silenced motor mouth Charity Dingle. He soon saw the cause of her silence; Victoria was stood at the entrance to the back room, her tear-stained face stopping Charity in her tracks. Aaron immediately jumped to his feet and ran to her side. He knew she had been with Rebecca and Robert at the hospital, and he felt a stab of fear in his stomach as he looked at her.

‘’Vic, what is it? Is it the baby? Is, is everything okay?’’

‘’He’s not…’’ Vic stumbled over her words.

‘’Vic, just take a breath and tell me, is the baby okay?’’ Aaron hesitated as he asked, his mind drifting back to those last days with Robert and the thoughts he had. He’d give anything to take them back now. But Victoria’s next words brought him back to the present.

‘’She lied…’’

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’It’s Ross… he’s the dad.’’

Aaron caught Victoria in his arms as she collapsed into him, her sobs stifled by his hoodie. He led her into the back room, sitting her down on the sofa and giving her a glass of water.

‘’Vic…. How did you find out?’’

After taking a sip, and looking down at her hands for what seemed like forever, she looked up at Aaron and began to speak.

‘’We were so worried, me and Rob….when she was in labour, we just kept telling each other that it would be fine, but neither of us believed what we were saying. The doctor came out and Rob pounced on him straight away, well you know what he’s like… saying how he was a month early and they needed to do everything they could for him…. That’s when….’’

‘’When what, what happened Vic?’’

‘’The doctor said there was nothing to worry about, and I swear Rob was going to throttle him for being so calm, and that’s when he said that the baby was fine, because he was bang on time.’’

Aaron was stunned. He looked at Vic and her tear stained face, and a thousand thoughts sped across his brain in a jumbled mess, not one making any semblance of sense until…..

‘’Robert, what did he say Vic?’’

‘’He stormed into Rebecca’s room and I wanted to follow him but he told me to keep out. A few minutes later he ran out and when I went after him he had taken off in his car. Rebecca wouldn’t tell me anything, so I went to Ross to see if Robert was there, but there was no one home. I don’t know where he’s gone Aaron. I’m scared he’s gonna do something stupid. I haven’t seen him like this since….’’

Aaron paced up and down the back room, trying to think as Victoria cried softly on the sofa next to him. Suddenly, a middle of the night conversation came back to him.

‘’I know where he’s gone.’’

‘’Where?’’

‘’Just stay here Vic, I’ll make sure he’s safe.’’

 

_‘’I used to go to our barn sometimes to think’’_

_It was two days after Aaron had come back from prison, and he was still adjusting to being out, still adjusting to lying in his own bed in his own home with his actual husband. It was the middle of the night, and they were both wide awake. Aaron was finding it hard to get used to the silence, so they would just talk themselves out until they fell asleep in each other’s arms. They hadn’t had sex yet, they were just getting used to being next to each other again, and as Robert told him again and again, they had all the time in the world to get to know each other like that again._

_‘’You did? Why?’’_

_‘’While you were…away… and the world was getting too much, and there was too much noise in my head, I’d go to the barn and think of the times we spent there. It was simpler back then, and just sitting on those prickly hay bales and thinking of just you and me would clear my head and then I could face everything again.’_

_Aaron had snorted with derision at the ‘simpler’ comment, which of course Robert picked up on, and he let out a soft chuckle himself._

_‘’Yes Aaron, I appreciate the irony of calling that time simpler when it was the most complicated period of my life, but in that barn, it was just me and you. Even back then, thoughts of you grounded me, and helped me see through the fog.’’_

_Aaron could feel the tears begin to form in his eyes. That damn Robert Sugden always knew what to say to astound him. And as if on cue, Robert once again read his mind, and propped himself up on his elbows so he could kiss Aaron softly on the lips and wipe the stray tears away._

_‘’Hey, you’re back now, I’ll never need to go back to the barn to clear the fog again, because I’ll have you with me.’_

 

Aaron pulled up at the barn and was relieved to see Robert’s car parked haphazardly outside. He tentatively approached the door and pulled it open, his heart coming to a standstill as he saw the man sat on a hay bale, an unopened bottle of whisky perched between his legs. He looked small, Aaron thought to himself, and in that moment, he realised how much this child meant to him.

Robert didn’t even seem aware of Aaron’s presence until he was stood over him, his hand reaching out to Robert’s shoulder.

‘’Rob…’’

‘’What are you doing here?’’

‘’Vic sent me to find you.’’ It seemed like the easiest answer to give him.

‘’She knew all along.’’

‘’Vic?’’

‘’Rebecca. I asked her. I went into her room, expecting her to apologise, beg for forgiveness, say she didn’t know. But as soon as I saw her face, I knew she had planned this all along.’’

‘’How…how could she….why?’’ Aaron struggled to get the sentence out, but it was this question that finally brought Robert’s gaze to his.

‘’Because of you.’’

‘’I don’t…’’

‘’She was jealous of you. She admitted to not knowing she was already pregnant when we slept together, but afterwards, when I told her I used her, that I only loved you, she wanted payback. Her plan was just to tell you in front of everyone, but when she realised she was pregnant, she saw her chance.’’

‘’But she had to know she’d be found out?’’

‘’Oh no, that made it all the sweeter. She befriended my sister, pushed me away from the baby, then fed me enough titbits to make me care, make me feel curious. She pretended to be my friend when I said I wanted you back, all of it to get me closer before….’’

‘’She dropped the bomb’’ Aaron finished for him.

‘’She couldn’t stand that I chose you over her, and when I told you the truth about us, she thought it was over because she couldn’t humiliate you herself, but then her car broke down and saw another opportunity when I took her to the scan.’’

‘’I don’t know what to say Robert, I’m so sorry.’’

‘’Why? I must say I’m impressed. I didn’t think she was clever enough to scheme like that.’’

‘’Because I know you cared about being a dad.’’

‘’Yea well, it’s over now.’’ Robert picked up the whisky bottle to distract himself from Aaron’s all too close presence.

‘’Are you gonna open that or what?’’

‘’I’ve stopped drinking.’’

‘’Since when?’’

‘’Since the day I went to Spain. Figured alcohol got me in this mess, and I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t even know why I bought it now…force of habit I guess…’’

‘’Well here, let me take it. I’ll find a use for it with my lot.’’

Aaron bent down to pick up the bottle, leaning across Robert to do so, and a glint of something caught his eye. As Aaron straightened back up, he saw Robert’s eyes on him. Only, they weren’t looking at his face. They were focused on the wedding ring dangling from the chain around his neck.

‘’Robert…I….’’ but Aaron’s sentence was cut off by Robert taking hold of the ring in his hand and twisting it around, his eyes closed as though he was trying to remember the feel of Aaron’s ring, his own one still a permanent fixture on his finger. Aaron sucked in a breath as he watched him intently, waiting for the explosion, but none came.

‘’Robert Sugden, the great disappointment’’ he spoke quietly, almost to himself as he dropped the ring, Aaron feeling it bounce back against his collarbone. Robert got up suddenly, reality smacking him in the face again, and he walked from the barn without looking back, leaving Aaron once again stood alone amongst the hay, wondering what he could have said to make him stay just a little longer.

 

Three whole days had passed since they had met again in that barn of theirs, and Aaron itched to go and see him, to make sure he was alright. He hadn’t seen so much as a glimpse of Robert since it all came out. He was holed up at Diane’s, not wanting to face the village gossips, the pitying stares and the whispered conversations debating how he had never managed to guess the truth. At least, this is what Vic had told him, one late evening in the pub as she reluctantly asked for Aaron’s advice on how to approach Robert. She didn’t want to involve him, admitting that she didn’t treat him as she should have during the whole sorry affair, and she didn’t want to hurt him any more, but she had nobody else to turn to. Aaron accepted her apologies, but he still wasn’t entirely sure what to tell her. Yes, Aaron knew Robert better than anyone, but he always knew how to comfort him from looking directly at him. He was no good at passing on second hand advice to anyone, so all he could do was listen and tell her that Robert would talk when he was ready. So once again, Aaron found himself in the pub nursing a pint, thinking about Robert and trying not to, when Adam slid into the seat opposite with two pints and a sympathetic smile on his face.

‘’No prizes for guessing what you’re thinking about then.’’

Aaron merely shrugged in response, twisting his glass around aimlessly.

‘’I went to see him yesterday you know.’’

Aaron stopped his twisting instantly and looked up from his glass. Of all the shocking things Adam Barton had said in his life, this one took the biscuit.

‘’What, why?’’

‘’Because as much as I have vowed to hate him indefinitely for what he did to you, I have been in his position, and even he didn’t deserve that.’’

‘’And…and how was he?’’

‘’Cut up, as you’d expect. Though it’s Robert Sugden, so he would rather peel his own fingernails off than admit it, at least to me anyway.’’

‘’Did he, um…did he mention…? Aaron trailed off, hating himself for being so selfish as to bring it up.

‘’Did he mention you? Nah mate, he didn’t.’’

Aaron nodded in response. He didn’t know what answer he was expecting, or even hoping for to be honest.

‘’Look mate, I don’t want to be harsh, but you don’t really have the right to ask that. I’m sorry, but you told him it was over enough times, and now, well now he’s practically lost a child, so I think you’re the last thing on his mind.’’

 

Adam was wrong. The ache for Aaron had begun to cripple him again and thoughts of his husband invaded Robert’s mind at an alarming rate. Diane, Vic and even Doug did their best, and though Adam’s appearance at the house the previous day had been surprisingly comforting, all he wanted was for his husband to come to his door, hold him and tell him it would be alright. He was selfish to hope for that, he knew in his heart that it wouldn’t happen, but it didn’t stop his mind drifting to him at any given moment.

Ever since Rebecca announced she was pregnant, all Robert had wanted was for it to be Ross’s, so he and Aaron could put the whole thing behind them. And now, he finally got his wish, but Aaron had still not made an appearance. He had told Robert it was over multiple times, and clearly he had meant it. Yes, he sought him out at the barn, but that was obviously for Vic’s peace of mind rather than his own feelings. It was over between them, had been for some time, and as Robert absentmindedly twisted his wedding ring three nights after it all happened, he realised he needed to move on. It was strange. Once upon a time he would have sought revenge on Rebecca for what she had done, but now, he couldn’t find it in himself to care about her at all. He had lost everything for something that wasn’t even his, and all he had left was the ring on his finger. He would go back to Spain, stay with Annie and make a life for himself away from Emmerdale. There, decision made. But, as he pulled his bag from the wardrobe and began to pack, an image that he had pushed down for the last few days suddenly came screaming back to him. An image of a wedding ring around the neck of a man who claimed time and again that his marriage was over. He had buried all the possibilities of what that could mean when he saw it that day, but now, just after midnight three days later, those possibilities began to unearth themselves, and he needed answers.

Aaron stumbled down the stupid, bloody spiral staircase, half asleep after an intense boxing session with Zac. He had needed it, needed to clear the cobwebs and thoughts of Robert from his head. What he didn’t need was the pounding on the front door of his house just as he had finally drifted off. What he also didn’t expect was the person he saw on the other side of the door.

‘’Robert, it’s the middle of the night, what are you doing here?’’

‘’Why are you wearing it?’’

‘’What? Robert, I don’t know what…’’ Aaron was still fuzzy with half achieved sleep and was in no state for riddles.

‘’That.’’ Robert said more clearly, pointing at Aaron’s neck.

‘’Why are you wearing that?’’

Aaron looked down at the chain dangling from his neck. Truth be told, he couldn’t even remember when he had decided to start wearing it there permanently, but it was a comfort to him, something to ground him at night when all he wanted was Robert and he couldn’t have him.

‘’Did you put it on especially before you found me, was that it? Just to rub it in that I lost both you and the baby, that I have nothing?’’ Robert’s voice was laced with venom, and the casual cruelty of his question immediately sobered Aaron up.

‘’Is that really what you think of me? Do you not know me at all?’’

‘’I’m not sure Aaron, I never thought you’d willingly invite drug dealers into our home or throw a wrench at my head, so I guess no, I never knew you.’’ Robert was on a roll now, and he buried the voice at the back of his head pleading with him to stop talking, because he wanted the pain, wanted the backlash. Most of all, he wanted proof that Aaron cared enough to fight back.

‘’That’s not fair Robert and you know it. You have no right to throw those things in my face. I wouldn’t have done any of that if I wasn’t so messed up, if you hadn’t given up our marriage for the first desperate blond to cross your path.’’

‘’Don’t you dare say that. I would have stayed by your side every day for the rest of our lives if you wanted me to. You’re the one who gave up on us, not me Aaron. I said to you once that I hadn’t fallen for a quitter, but clearly I was wrong.’’

‘’Oh c’mon Robert.’’ The tiredness he had felt was wearing off now, and Aaron was ready to go another ten rounds. He was purposefully trying to goad him, Aaron knew that, but if Robert wanted to take it there and get it out of his system, then he was more than ready. ‘’We both know you would have gotten bored eventually, found someone else’s bed to share. I mean, even I wasn’t surprised with how quickly you found another person to shack up with after we got married, but it was inevitable really, wasn’t it?’’

‘’Oh yea, and how do you figure that then?’’

‘’Because I was never good enough for you.’’

‘’You really think that? Because you see Aaron, I actually think it was the exact opposite. I was the one who was never good enough, was I?’’

Aaron’s next retort died on his lips following Robert’s admission. His eyes flickered down, before he looked up and tried to speak again, argue back, but Robert held his hand up and Aaron was silenced again.

‘’No Aaron, you know I’m right don’t you? Because I did everything I could for you, everything I could possibly think of to prove to you how much I love you. I was even willing to die in a sinking car with you Aaron, because that’s how much you bloody mean to me. That’s how deep you are in my heart. But no, even that wasn’t enough for you, because all it ever took was one whisper from Liv or your mum, one snarky comment from one of the busybody neighbours, and you were back to doubting me. And the thing is, you never once tried to imagine how it felt for me, constantly having to prove myself to you. It was exhausting Aaron. And yes, for a moment I gave up. I thought you had slipped away from me and I couldn’t handle it. So I drank myself into oblivion and I slept with Rebecca. Everyone says that she didn’t force me to sleep with her, but you know what, I never forced her either. She pretended to be your friend, but didn’t think twice about hurting you that night. But do you think she got any of the blame? No, because it’s always easier to blame Robert, I’m always the one that causes all the pain. And I’m tired Aaron. I’m tired of trying to read your mind, to figure out what you mean when you tell me to leave and then months later I see you with your ring. I’m tired of constantly waiting for you to believe the next silly comment you hear about me, instead of just believing me, and what I feel for you. You’ve always had the power, always held all the cards here Aaron, and I don’t think I can wait for you to deal another hand.’’

With that, Robert was spent. He hadn’t expected to say anything like this when he was pounding down the door, but Aaron always did have a knack of making him do the unexpected. He slumped down on the bottom of the staircase, holding his head in his hands as his ex-husband looked at him in total disbelief, willing words to come, but there was nothing.

 

‘’I’m sorry Aaron, I don’t even know why I came here.’’

The silence had dragged on for what seemed like an eternity after Robert’s confession. Aaron needed him to speak, needed him to take the lead after what he had just said. How the night would end, no scratch that, how they would end was completely dependent on his next words.

‘’You came to ask me about this, about what it means to me.’’ Aaron held up his ring for Robert to stare at, looking for any indication as to his feelings.

‘’You’re right I did, but I don’t know what I expected you to say, or what I hoped you’d say. You’ve moved on, and I’m happy for you, I am. I guess, I just wanted some answers, before I leave.’’

‘’Leave, you’re leaving again? Why?’’

‘’Because there’s nothing left for me here anymore.’’

‘’Well that’s not exactly true is it?’’ Aaron flinched at his own words, knowing how he felt when Robert said them to him that day in the scrap yard.

Robert could do nothing but shrug in response as he turned to head out the door.

‘’You’ve got Vic, and Diane, they’ll want you to stay.’’

‘’They’ll be fine without me, they have been before.’’

Robert twisted the door knob and pulled the door open, but a strong hand pushed it back and closed it.

‘’You’ve got me.’’

Robert didn’t dare to look up at those words. He thought he was dreaming. They had come out quietly, and uncertain, but as soon as he heard them a second time, there was no mistaking it.

‘’You’ve got me.’’ Three little words, spoken with renewed confidence, caused Robert to look up and into the eyes of the one person who saw straight through him, all the flaws, insecurities and demons, and who still chose to love him. He was completely at a loss for words as he looked at Aaron, waiting for the moment when his resolve would waver, and he’d break his heart once more, tell him that it was a mistake to say that, and send him on his way again.

‘’You always had me.’’

‘’No Aaron, I can’t do this. Not again.’’ He longed to touch him, to hold him in his arms and forget everything that had happened, everything that had just been said, but it wasn’t fair on either of them, and Aaron was looking and doing so much better that Robert’s heart began to crumble at the thought of taking that away from him again. He moved to open the door, but once again, Aaron blocked his escape.

‘’Please don’t go.’’

‘’It’s for the best.’’

‘’For who? Robert, look at me.’’ Robert ignored him, so if Aaron had to do this by force, then so be it. He was always the stronger one of the two of them. Pen pushing didn’t really give you the biceps that scrapping did. He dragged Robert away from his position in front of the door, and held his husband in front of him. When he was certain he wouldn’t bolt, he dropped his arms and instead used his hands to lift up his chin, holding onto him until he was forced to look at him.

‘’Robert, please look at me.’’ Robert eventually conceded, looking at Aaron with a mixture of fear and defeat and something else that was foreign to him. He soon realised what it was; he was searching for something in Aaron’s eyes, something to prove that this was real.

‘’I want you to stay. I want all of this, all of you. I wasn’t ready before, but I am now. You’re not the only one who has wasted too much time. I was too afraid to tell you before, but I’m here, and you have me. I’m not saying this because Rebecca is out of the picture, I’m saying it because I love you, and I miss you. Remember when I said that we were useless without each other?’’ Robert nodded slowly as he continued to search Aaron’s eyes. ‘’ We’ve brought out the absolute worst in each other in the past but we’ve both changed a lot over the past few months, and maybe, this is our chance to start bringing out the best in each other. It’s got to be worth a shot, right?’’

‘’I want that, I do, but Aaron, I…..?’’

‘’Messed up forever, remember?’’

Those four words were all it took for the dam to break. Tears sprung from Robert’s eyes, and he didn’t know how to stop it. Luckily, he was standing in front of a man who did. Aaron took one step closer, and after wiping away the first few tears, pressed his lips to Robert’s in a soft, lingering kiss. It was safe, comforting and thrilling all at once. Aaron pulled away after a few seconds, but it was enough. They were together again, and Robert once again had his anchor back. They slumped down together on the floor, their backs resting against the sofa (Their unofficial ‘spot’, Robert supposed) and just held each other, until they both fell asleep, tangled in each other’s arms.

 

They took it slowly this time around. Well slowly enough for two grown men who had never played by the rules of a typical functional relationship before and weren’t about to start now. They went on actual dates, something that they had never really done before, and they talked. A lot. Several things happened in their first few weeks of being back together, but they dealt with it. After the events at Home Farm, with Lawrence dead, Chrissie and Lachlan in prison and Ronnie having had a lucky escape, Rebecca had nowhere to turn, and was driven from the village in shame. Vic had been deeply hurt by the actions of her supposed friend, but she found her Sugden spirit in time to dump all of Rebecca’s belongings at the front of her house, just in time for the bin man. With no friends in her corner, and the Dingles appearing in every nook and cranny of the village, she had no choice but to leave, but not before she had a screaming match with Emma in the middle of the village over Ross’s parental rights, a fight that never got resolved, because Rebecca White was never one to take responsibility for her actions.

Chas and Liv returned from Dublin, and Robert braced himself for their reactions, knowing that Aaron had filled them in on everything. Chas was surprisingly sympathetic to what had happened. He supposed that having come perilously close to losing her own son on more than one occasion, she could understand the sense of loss he had felt. Liv was well, Liv. As soon as she saw him, she marched straight up to him, punched him hard in the arm, (in the same spot as Victoria had several months previously so that was clearly masterminded by the pair of them), called him a massive bellend for nearly destroying their family, and then hugged him tighter than he had ever been hugged in his life. Aaron was right about her. He had told Robert that she was older and wiser, and she was. And, if she told him she loved him quietly enough for only him to hear, well nobody else needed to know that did they?

It was Aaron that brought up moving back into the Mill first. Robert was conscious not to push anything. If truth be told, he was enjoying taking things slowly, with no pressure to tie everything down out of fear that it would drift away. It was the day after Aaron’s birthday, and the two of them had gone away to celebrate, finally getting that weekend in Barcelona that they had always promised each other they would take. He had casually suggested it over breakfast on their last morning, dropping in that Robert should perhaps, maybe, only if he wanted to like, unpack his stuff at the Mill when they get back. He then went back to eating his toast, like nothing had been said while Robert stared at him in wonder, trying to figure out if Aaron meant what he thought he meant. Eventually, Aaron looked back up at him, smirking ever so slightly. Robert nodded slowly, pulled his husband back to bed and if the room cleaners who had mistakenly believed they had already checked out caught them, then it was worth it. However, they made a deal early on with their new living arrangements. They had both realised that they needed their space in the relationship, so they were no longer tied to each other, with nothing else keeping them afloat. Aaron continued his boxing, even starting a club in the village for all the youngsters who were interested. Meanwhile, Robert put his impressive language skills to good use, tutoring Liv, Jacob and Gabby for their exams. He also decided to take up learning French once he remembered how much he liked speaking another language. And though Aaron would never admit it out loud, watching his husband speak fluent Spanish in their kitchen was a massive turn on, and he was fully prepared to show his appreciation of this once the kids had gone home.

 

Before anyone realised, three months had passed since they found each other again, and it was the middle of February. More specifically, it was their wedding anniversary, and Robert woke up to find he was in bed alone. Aaron’s side of the bed was cold, so he had clearly been gone for some time. A ripple of fear passed through him as he lay there. They hadn’t talked about how to approach the day. They had talked about a lot of their issues, but somehow, they danced around this topic, always coming close, but never ripping the plaster off. It was been the happiest day of Robert’s life, and he knew deep down that Aaron felt the same, but maybe all the memories of that day were tarnished by what came immediately afterward. He could tell by the silence of the house that Aaron wasn’t around. Liv was away on a school trip, and his husband can’t help but clatter around like a bull in the mornings, so he knew without question that he was on his own. He briefly checked his phone, hoping for a message to say Aaron was on a scrap run, or anything to indicate what he was thinking. He wanted to text him, wish him a happy anniversary, or just ask where he was, but he knew even the most nonchalant text would alert Aaron to what he was feeling, and he didn’t want to push him. He was certain of one thing; he couldn’t stay in bed all day dwelling. He would get up, go about his day as normal, and hope that his husband would reach out to him in his own time.

It was the day from hell. That was not even a question. He was greeted on his arrival to the scrap yard by Marcus, the over-excitable teenager Aaron had hired in good faith to replace Adam. That boy was seriously in needed of a sedative, but as far as he knew, Charity had disposed of her tranquiliser gun. He did make a mental note to double check that though. A part of Robert itched to ask him where Aaron was, but this kid couldn’t tell his arse from his elbow most of the time, so probably hadn’t even noticed Aaron’s absence. Robert had a mountain of paperwork to get through, and it was a welcome relief to actually bury his head in numbers and contracts and ignore the deafening silence of his mobile, which simply refused to ring with news of his husband. At lunchtime, he was halfway to the Mill to brood over his missing fella when he was accosted by Victoria, dragging him to the pub as a guinea pig for some ridiculous new menu that she was testing in Marlon’s absence. By the time he was released from her clutches, it was time to go back to work and finish the paperwork in peace. He flew through the remaining haulage quotes, and was just heading off, but the universe was clearly conspiring to keep him from his home, as the whirlwind that was Nicola King stormed through the portacabin door, followed by a harassed looking Jimmy. Robert wanted to slip out quietly, too concerned by the possibility that his own relationship was hanging by a thread to be dragged into yet another King domestic. He was never that lucky though, was he? He spent the next half an hour playing mediator between the pair of them, though what they were fighting about he had no idea, because Nicola changed topics so frequently and so quickly that his head hurt.

After what seemed like an eternity, Robert finally escaped Jimmy and Nicola’s bickering and headed back to the Mill. As he pulled up outside, he noticed the house was shrouded in darkness, and Aaron’s car was nowhere to be seen. Letting himself in, he looked despairingly at his phone one more time, hoping for some sort of message from his husband, however short, to indicate his feelings and where he was. He resisted the urge to call him again. He had tried at lunch when Vic wasn’t looking, but to no avail. He didn’t have the right to push, not really. Not if Aaron needed to spend the day away from him to get his thoughts together. He dropped his keys in the bowl by the door and made his way to the kitchen in the darkness, the moonlight streaming through in a golden glow, flickering across the countertops and seeming almost romantic. The universe clearly wanted to rub it in, not let Robert Sugden off the hook if at all possible. He grabbed a glass from the counter and filled it with water, glancing up and out the window briefly as he turned around to face into his empty home. However, a fleeting image soon made him turn back, and do a double take. It took him a second to register that the ‘moonlight’ he saw through the window when he walked in was not moonlight at all, but hundreds of twinkling fairy lights hanging from every possible corner of his back garden. Bunches of roses were lining the path, and a bottle of champagne stood chilling in a bucket of ice on the garden table. And there, in the middle of it all, was Aaron, wearing his wedding suit and a blush that could be seen even in the dark wintery night.

Robert eventually unfroze himself from the sight in front of him, and moved slowly towards the door that led to the garden path, noticing for the first time that it was lined with more rose petals. He moved hesitantly, still convinced that by the time he got to the garden, this would all have disappeared. Only, as he rounded the corner, it was all still there, his husband included. He came to stand in front of him, and reached out to touch him, even now still needing proof that this was really happening.

‘’Aaron...’’ he finally choked out. ‘’What, what is this?’’

Aaron smiled shyly at him as he pulled a letter from his pocket. Robert’s urges took over and he moved to grab the letter, but had his hand batted away swiftly.

‘’No Rob, I have something to say, and we both know I’m terrible with words so I wrote it down. And I need you to be quiet and let me say it, otherwise I may never get it all out.’’

Robert dropped his hands to his side, still in a daze as he looked around the garden, before a cough from his husband brought his attention back to the man in front of him. He could see Aaron’s hands shaking ever so slightly as he unfolded the letter. This was it, he thought to himself. Depending on the contents of that letter, this could be the moment it was all over for him once again.

‘’Robert, from the moment you caught me stealing your car, you have been under my skin and in my heart. You are an arrogant, selfish, smug, calculating and sarcastic pain in the arse most of the time. But you are also selfless, kind, caring, determined, funny, compassionate, and probably the most intelligent person I have ever met. You have taught me how to love the parts of myself that I’ve hated the most. You allowed me to see that the scars I have on my body and in my head are not reminders of my weaknesses, but symbols of my strength. We’ve been through a lot together, more than any couple in the history of this village at least, and we have both spent far more time in car boots than is healthy for a functioning adult relationship, but I wouldn’t change a moment of it. You see I spent so long wishing for you to be mine completely, that when it actually happened, I could never really believe it was real, and so I let my demons push us apart. You’ve made a lot of mistakes, but so have I, because I spent a long time trying to escape the love I had for you before it had a chance to escape me. But the thing is, I can never escape it, and I don’t want to, because no matter what I do, all roads lead back to you.’’

Aaron took a deep breath, and Robert longed to rush forward and hold him, but he knew that he hadn’t finished. He closed his eyes to try and stem the flow of tears, as he replayed Aaron’s final words and how the meaning had changed from the last time he heard them. When he finally opened them again, Aaron was on one knee in front of him.

‘’Robert Jacob Sugden, you are my best friend, and the love of my life. Will you marry me again…..officially?’’

Robert let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, and slowly but surely, he could feel the dam of tears begin to break as he looked down at his beautiful husband.

‘’Ya know, I always think I know what’s gonna come out of your mouth Dingle, but sometimes you say things like that and you just absolutely overwhelm me.’’

‘’Is that a yes?’’

‘’It’s an oh God yes.’’ Robert pulled Aaron to his feet and engulfed him in his arms, kissing him and crying together until they could no longer tell whose tears were whose.

 

It was hours later, and they were sat tangled in each other on the floor, leaning up against the sofa. (Someday they would figure out the actual purpose of this particular piece of furniture, but not anytime soon it would seem) They were sex sated and belly full, having devoured the shepherd’s pie that Aaron had cooked himself.

_‘’This is my mum’s recipe’’ Robert said in awe, recognising the taste instantly._

_‘’Yea, I um, I asked Vic for it’’ Aaron blushed slightly as he replied, causing Robert to fall just that little bit more in love with his husband (fiancé?, whatever the title, it was forever this time)_

‘’You’re quiet.’’

Aaron’s soft voice broke the stillness as he gazed at Robert, who had been uncharacteristically silent for several minutes, barely even moving, except to stroke his ring absentmindedly. Robert had never taken it off, and watching Aaron take his own one from around his neck and put it back on his finger earlier that evening had affected him in ways he couldn’t even begin to articulate. Robert looked up into the concerned blue eyes of his husband, and shook his head slightly.

‘’It’s nothing. Honestly, I’m just thinking.’’

‘’Thinking about what?’’ Grasping Robert’s hand gently in his, Aaron continued to push. ‘’C’mon Rob, we promised we’d talk to each other.’’ Robert could hear the slight hint of worry in his voice, worry that Robert was already changing his mind, getting ready to bolt.

‘’I’ve never really been this happy before. Never allowed myself to be I guess, and I’m just scared that I’ll screw it up again.’’ He risked a look at Aaron, who smiled softly back at him.

‘’ I know the feeling. It’s like you’re standing on a cliff, waiting for the gust of wind that will finally blow you over the edge. But this time is different Rob, this time, we’ll pull each other back if we get too close, deal?’’

‘’Deal.’’ Robert chuckled softly. ‘’When did you get so good with your words?’’

‘’Must be all the time I spend with Mr. Wordsmith himself, picked up a thing or two’’ Aaron replied lightly as he poked Robert in the ribs. ‘’And that’s not the only thing I’ve learned from you, ya know.’’

Robert raised his eyebrows, his curiosity piqued.

‘’Didn’t you find it odd that every time you tried to come home today, someone magically appeared at just the right moment to pull you away somewhere? What was Nicola and Jimmy’s argument about anyway?’’ Aaron couldn’t help the smirk on his face growing wider as Robert pieced together the events of the day.

‘’That was you? All of it? Even Vic and her ridiculous Asian fusion recipe testing nonsense?’’

‘’Yep’’ Aaron replied proudly. ‘’You’re not the only one who can involve the whole village in a surprise ya know. And you should really apologise to Marcus as well.’’

‘’What for? Oh I’m sorry you feel the need to yap like a poodle in heat every time a car pulls up in the yard? Seriously, that boy needs sedating.’’

‘’Maybe that was the plan all along.’’ Robert was lost. ‘’I knew if he constantly bit at your ankles like a puppy, you wouldn’t bother trying to find out where I was from him, he’s a talented actor is Marcus.’’

‘’And people think I’m the sneaky bastard in this relationship’’ Robert laughed as he punched Aaron playfully in the arm, ‘’They clearly don’t know you at all.’’

‘’Clearly.’’ Robert’s heart melted a little bit more at the proud look on his fella’s face, obviously delighted with himself that he had pulled the wool over Robert’s eyes.

‘’I got you something as well you know.’’ Robert pulled his bag towards him and started rifling through it, eventually pulling out an envelope in triumph and handing it to Aaron. ‘’Now, I know it doesn’t even come close to matching what you did, but I think you’ll appreciate it.’’

Aaron opened the envelope, and couldn’t stop the lone tear that dropped down as he looked at the contents. He was being silly, he knew he was, and it wasn’t what was in the envelope itself that made him well up. It was the reminder of how much Robert was willing to do for him to make him happy.

‘’But you hate Ibiza with a passion.’’

‘’Yes I do, but you love it, so I’ll put up with it for ya, because you know….’’

‘’I know.’’ Two little words, and they were the most certain words Aaron had ever spoken in his life. Tomorrow, they would venture out into the village, spread their good news to everyone and maybe, just maybe, if Robert felt particularly generous, he would even apologise to Marcus. But for now, they were both content to stay in their position against the sofa, laughing and planning and Robert vetoing every laddish thing Aaron suggested they do in Ibiza until his husband pouted so much that he caved and agreed to everything. Because that was Aaron Dingle in a nutshell, one look and Robert was absolute putty in his hands. He was with his beautiful husband once more, and really, that was all he ever needed.


End file.
